How many hours is it acceptable to be lying in bed before you realize you're not gonna fall back asleep? :(

Leaving this up bc I'll mess with the pictures later. Idk why my phone is doing this :(

I guess I didn't really need this. Got it at the thrift and I'm still going to read it anyway. I remember having a couple of really bad winters (now a decade ago!) and it wasn't the weather that made things bad it was other stuff going on but overcast days and freezing weather made it so much worse. Noticeably so. I still remember feeling bad even when it was sunny and warm but better weather honestly helped quite a bit. I remember things seeming better once I went back to college and had more structure in my life by having a job that gave me more hours. Not that I want to spend all my time at work but it did help. I don't want time to move too fast but if you don't enjoy time off...

This winter went by really fast too, and for a while I've tried to ignore less daylight during it and think "well, night time is kinda cool too" but I just want sun.

One more month out of my life. Year four of covid. Cool. 🙃 I didn't really think abt NY resolutions but I guess I'm gonna go back on the depo shot since my skin hasn't magically gotten perfect in the 6 months I stopped it, but it never got great even on it so idk. I keep hearing conflicting things abt how you shouldn't be on it for more than 2 yrs so whatever. 

I finally finished off this stuff my brother got me for my birthday. Was kind of rationing it for a while. It's really good, usually flavored coffee has a lot of chemical taste to it but this didn't, also smelled like it was supposed to.

The realtor photographer came by and took pictures in case I'm able to move this year. Idk what I want out of the next few years other than to not get covid. Not much to look forward to I guess. 

 I'm gonna try to take more pictures and mess with the settings on this camera now that I have a decent phone.

Christmas and Thanksgiving were kind of meh. I got off work at 6am Thanksgiving so i had to sleep for some of it, then on xmas i woke up at 4am and couldnt sleep and finally fell back at around 8....then woke back up at noon. Drove over to my friends house to see them a small bit bc they're like 10 minutes from my parents place. Watched Best Little Whorehouse bc it's a good holiday movie (and tubi very rudely removed it from streaming on Thanksgiving but it was back on right after that...) watched Black Christmas and some other stuff but i just felt exhausted and not in the holiday spirit. Been having really bad insomnia but I've noticed its a bit worse bc i can usually get 3 or 4 hrs of sleep before waking up for several hours but lately its been 1 or 2 before it happens. Last night it was less than 2 but I think i might have eventually gotten some sleep after a bit. I didn't look at the time except when i first woke up. I'm working so I have to be here and awake for 12 hrs which sucks obviously. I got a new phone and the camera is a lot better. My messy room at my parents house that I needed to clean.

Cutting Face (Gas Mask Mix)

I really hope nothing changes dramatically at work (for the worst) bc I need this job. Flipping my schedule between day and night 3 times in one week while I was supposed to be off was...And the car thing....took me forever to make a decision like with everything in life. It's hard being a 33 yr old girl in your early 20's.

Made one of my friends go to the air and space museum bc they had lived in the area when they were a kid but had never been. I went way back in high school but just the one time.

High school art room vibes 

I really liked how dark the back section was, idk, something abt it.

Feeling kind of ansty about how things are and trying not to panic about this paranoid feeling or being stuck. And that it's strange bc I really used to not like change at all and I dont know if I really like how things were (if you like something why change it?) Or if I just get used to things being familiar and that becomes comfortable. I'm trying to think abt the positive things of my job and where I live. I really hope one of my friends can get a better job too. I gave her the number of someone i know who has a good remote job (which I can't do bc it involves talking on the phone and I can hardly hear) so I really hope they can get in...I'm staying up for night shift Thursday and watching Miami Vice (on blu ray, no TV or internet other than my crappy phone) and reading the David Lynch biography I got from the library. The man really got out there and lived life even tho he had an upset tummy! Inspiring!!

Lilies grew. Also went to see a friend at her new park she transferred too and it was moving day coincidently so I got to see the big house they're turning into the offices. It's super old. I was planning on going by before but I actually did it that day bc it was on the way (kind of not really but the same direction) to the dermatologist bc I got a really fucked up sunburn and had no choice but to go. Something I should have done years ago too since they gave me stuff for my face but I always assumed...any minute now, as an adult I'm going to not have bad skin...any minute now (it didn't happen). Probably the biggest lie I've ever been told is that birth control clears your skin up. 

 

I have insomnia

 deleted what I wrote bc I don't know how to write. Have a really messed up sunburn, the burn wasn't that bad but I think I got something called "Hell's itch" it's actually not as cool as it sounds and also fuckin sucks. Also I hate it.

It is hard to want to change things and really just not know how to go about it.

My phones buggin but Savannah was very nice